Wednesday, December 1, 2010



Hello, WORLD!! Its been a lot of ups & downs in my life, but through them all I maintained. I might have mentioned this before but I don't do the emotional thing. Not because I don't have feelings but because being emotional can cloud your judgment worse than alcohol. This past Monday, my dad would have been 63 years old had he not passed away in '08. I loved that dude but while I certainly picked up a lot of his traits, he isn't the reason my mentality is what it is today. That honor goes to Jeanette Singleton-Thomas. My moms. She died 7 years ago today. I usually don't think about either of them a lot on a conscience level. This week they've been almost all I've thought about, especially her. I was there when Anthony Hardy 1st was diagnosed with cancer until he died. Honestly I don't even know what my Moms died from.

I'll tell you what I know. I'ma try not to be long winded but I can't guarantee anything. I know that most of the WORLD who knows my real name thinks I was named after a certain horror movie child but in actuality, I was named after a hero priest from another horror movie. I only mention this because this same movie caused a lot tension between me & Moms, even if I wasn't the intended victim. My parents were at that same movie back in '74 when Jeanette told Anthony about a certain bundle of joy that would eventually become me. Right during the middle of the movie. Dirt, the man that he is, replied "Mm, mm, mm.", which caused my Moms to promptly walk to another seat in the theatre and continue watching that movie alone.

Naw, it wasn't my fault exactly, but I would feel the brunt of her anger over that nonsensical comment for the rest of my life. It didn't help that I looked like Dirt, either. I was her only child. She got her first real job in the summer of '74 with a data processing company called Machine Systems when she found out I was coming. Then I became her other full time job. She would say I was like 10 kids in 1 so she didn't need anymore.

I know I made her proud, but I still fucked up enough for her to be constantly angry with me. When I graduated from Paul Revere Elementary school she was the happiest with me ever. Then I fucked up @ Hyde Park Career Academy enough to be outta school by age 16. I don't think I've ever disappointed anybody more a day in my life, even though I would continue my education at Olive Harvey Probation Challenge and, from there, Earl C Clements Job Corps in Morganfield, KY. I did receive my GED before I turned 18 & I was in Devry by 18, but I don't think that mattered as much as a high school diploma did.

After I had to come home from my job in Anaheim, CA for a problem at the home front (a future post, probably ROCHELLE'S SONG, will tell that tale), she offered me a job at Machine Systems. Yes, this was the job that she got when she found out she was pregnant with me & she still had it. I took it. I wasn't liked because my Moms wasn't liked (she was a supervisor) but they didn't know that, shit, I wasn't on her OK list either. 7 years I worked there. I left in '02, after starting in '96 making $5.50 an hour, making $7.45 an hour. I had to or I would not survive. It was during that time when I really understood who she was. She was me, just a female version (& older, LOL). My love for books, movies, music, all her. We actually got along better at work & off work because of working together. She realized I wasn't like Pop, I guess. & I realized it was him she was mad at, not me. She also found a real love when I was either in Cali or Kentucky (I can't remember, honestly), my stepfather Dennis Thomas, whom she would make her first & only husband. He is a nice guy and I use to act like shit toward him. We're cool now; which reminds me I need to call him like I do every year on the 1st of December. My 3rd biggest regret (2nd biggest coming soon) was I didn't even bother to go to their wedding.

Anyway, a year after I left the company, I found out she was in a coma. My family had tried to reach me, but that's always hard when a person doesn't want to be reached. I happened to visit a lady about Moms age I was fooling with at the building where we worked & she told me. I rushed there and it was too late. She was in a coma & essentially gone. To this day I still don't know what it was that caused all of that; that may be my 4th biggest regret. My aunt Darlene wanted me to pull the plug & I consented...and left. It's my second biggest regret besides not graduating from high school. I should have stayed. Incidentally, Machine Systems died 6 months after she did. I feel like Moms was the company's life support. At least that's what I think.

I'm through singing for now. That's all anyway, WORLD. There's a lot I left out but those are blanks I can fill in later. I wish all blanks was like that. Love ya, Jeanette, wherever you are. Outta..