JEANETTE’s SONG

Hello, WORLD!! Its been a lot of ups & downs in my life, but through them all I maintained. I might have mentioned this before but I don't do the emotional thing. Not because I don't have feelings but because being emotional can cloud your judgment worse than alcohol. This past Monday, my dad would have been 63 years old had he not passed away in '08. I loved that dude but while I certainly picked up a lot of his traits, he isn't the reason my mentality is what it is today. That honor goes to Jeanette Singleton-Thomas. My moms. She died 7 years ago today. I usually don't think about either of them a lot on a conscience level. This week they've been almost all I've thought about, especially her. I was there when Anthony Hardy 1st was diagnosed with cancer until he died. Honestly I don't even know what my Moms died from.

I'll tell you what I know. I'ma try not to be long winded but I can't guarantee anything. I know that most of the WORLD who knows my real name thinks I was named after a certain horror movie child but in actuality, I was named after a hero priest from another horror movie. I only mention this because this same movie caused a lot tension between me & Moms, even if I wasn't the intended victim. My parents were at that same movie back in '74 when Jeanette told Anthony about a certain bundle of joy that would eventually become me. Right during the middle of the movie. Dirt, the man that he is, replied "Mm, mm, mm.", which caused my Moms to promptly walk to another seat in the theatre and continue watching that movie alone.

Naw, it wasn't my fault exactly, but I would feel the brunt of her anger over that nonsensical comment for the rest of my life. It didn't help that I looked like Dirt, either. I was her only child. She got her first real job in the summer of '74 with a data processing company called Machine Systems when she found out I was coming. Then I became her other full time job. She would say I was like 10 kids in 1 so she didn't need anymore.

I know I made her proud, but I still fucked up enough for her to be constantly angry with me. When I graduated from Paul Revere Elementary school she was the happiest with me ever. Then I fucked up @ Hyde Park Career Academy enough to be outta school by age 16. I don't think I've ever disappointed anybody more a day in my life, even though I would continue my education at Olive Harvey Probation Challenge and, from there, Earl C Clements Job Corps in Morganfield, KY. I did receive my GED before I turned 18 & I was in Devry by 18, but I don't think that mattered as much as a high school diploma did.

After I had to come home from my job in Anaheim, CA for a problem at the home front (a future post, probably ROCHELLE'S SONG, will tell that tale), she offered me a job at Machine Systems. Yes, this was the job that she got when she found out she was pregnant with me & she still had it. I took it. I wasn't liked because my Moms wasn't liked (she was a supervisor) but they didn't know that, shit, I wasn't on her OK list either. 7 years I worked there. I left in '02, after starting in '96 making $5.50 an hour, making $7.45 an hour. I had to or I would not survive. It was during that time when I really understood who she was. She was me, just a female version (& older, LOL). My love for books, movies, music, all her. We actually got along better at work & off work because of working together. She realized I wasn't like Pop, I guess. & I realized it was him she was mad at, not me. She also found a real love when I was either in Cali or Kentucky (I can't remember, honestly), my stepfather Dennis Thomas, whom she would make her first & only husband. He is a nice guy and I use to act like shit toward him. We're cool now; which reminds me I need to call him like I do every year on the 1st of December. My 3rd biggest regret (2nd biggest coming soon) was I didn't even bother to go to their wedding.

Anyway, a year after I left the company, I found out she was in a coma. My family had tried to reach me, but that's always hard when a person doesn't want to be reached. I happened to visit a lady about Moms age I was fooling with at the building where we worked & she told me. I rushed there and it was too late. She was in a coma & essentially gone. To this day I still don't know what it was that caused all of that; that may be my 4th biggest regret. My aunt Darlene wanted me to pull the plug & I consented...and left. It's my second biggest regret besides not graduating from high school. I should have stayed. Incidentally, Machine Systems died 6 months after she did. I feel like Moms was the company's life support. At least that's what I think.

I'm through singing for now. That's all anyway, WORLD. There's a lot I left out but those are blanks I can fill in later. I wish all blanks was like that. Love ya, Jeanette, wherever you are. Outta..

My Old Man (When he wasn't old)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DIRT!!!!

     Hello, WORLD!!! If you truly know me, then you know I pride myself on being a lot less emotional than other people. It’s true; I can’t remember the last time I cried over anything. This week, I don’t expect that to change, but it may still be a rough week for me. I don’t know how I didn’t realize this til this year but two of my parent’s anniversaries occur this week so both of my parents will be on my mind for different reasons. Both have passed away over the past 10 years, my moms in 2003 followed by my father at the beginning of 2008. But this post is about my Pa, celebrating him. Moms will have to take a back seat to him for a change (if she was here, she’d a read this and swiftly popped me upside the head!). 

      Anyway, I feel like the man I am today is definitely due more to my Moms than my father but his influence is felt regardless. Anthony Hardy has been part of my life every since I was young but I can’t say he was a father in that Heathcliff Huxtable sense because he wasn’t around like that. It wasn’t a nuclear family environment I was raised in, know what I mean? But he was very much a part of my life. I seen him at least once a month, which is more than a lot of kids these days or those days, for that matter, so I don’t feel bad. He was more of a father in a sense that he showed up right when I need him most. He was more of a father in the sense that he always told me the truth no matter what. He was more of a father in a sense that the things he did, like never forget my birthday or Christmas regardless if he had money or not, is what drives me to be a better father to my own children. He did a great job, considering I don’t think I’m a bad person, but he could have definitely done better, which is what I want to show him (whereever he is, I know he’s watching The Smokke Bizzee Show, LOL!). But I also know that while I never forgot he was my father, I always knew he was my friend. #Truth.

         Anthony Hardy, or Red, because of his reddish-brown hair, as the people on Chicago’s Low End would call him, or Burger, for his love of a great burger (that I know is something I definitely inherited from him) as his family would call him,  or Dirt, for his love of marijuana which was also inherited by… No,I can’t say that I inherited that from him. I can say I smoked my first joint ever with him at age 10 so that’s not inherited, that’s a 2 handed shove into the open arms of Mary Jane. I haven’t left her grip since. But, in his defense, it was my fault! I use to always smell that smell on him and I wanted to smell just like that and he finally got tired of me asking him what it was. “here, D, taste this and calm your ass down!”, lol!  Shit, if I knew it made you feel as good as it smelled, I would have pushed this issue with him a lot harder.

       There wasn’t nothing I couldn’t talk to him about. In fact, I never really knew what kinda of nut he was until I got older and actually let him talk instead of asking a million questions. I probably didn’t need to ask one and would probably still have everything I wanted to know answered. He never had to discipline me, although I am ashamed to admit we did have an altercation when I was grown. We quickly went back to being best friends after that. All of my friends loved him though. His wild stories would have everybody in stitches. The one area that usually turned him into something less than his jolly, normal self was my moms. He never got over how she broke up with him. That story I’ll probably save for 12/01, the anniversary of my mom’s passing back in ‘03.

       I do feel guilty though. When my mom passed, I was barely there for her. I hadn’t even known she was in the hospital until I visited a girl who worked in the same building I worked in with my mom. At the time, I had just quit working there a year… I’ll finish this story on 12/01 too. But the thing is, when she passed I wasn’t there for her as much as I could have been and this woman had me from birth to 16. Dirt wasn’t exactly the best father in the WORLD, WORLD, but he was my father and I guess when he got diagnosed with cancer back in November 07, I was spending time with him to make up for both of my parents. And I still wasn’t there as much as I could have been. But I know he knows how I felt, how I feel. Love ya, Dirt, wherever you are now. Happy Birthday, Old Man. That’s what I started calling him when I was old enough to get away with it. That’s it for now WORLD. Be sure to catch my post Jeanette’s Song on 12/01/10 for more on both of them. 

The Reason

Hello, WORLD!!!! I guess you wondering where I been, right? I been here in sense. I haven't done much writing because, truthly, I don't know. I have plenty to write and plenty of stuff to catch up on. This blog is about my life and my life is just crazy right now; I certainly can write about that. I also got a movie blog, Smokkee's WORLD Favorite's, and I've seen about a few dozen or more new movies since my last post. I've been going to the movies more this year than any other year except maybe 1987 & 2001 when i went at least once a week. I also got a blog aout my 101 goal's (Smokkee's WORLD 101) and while I do have all 101 goals written down, I have not explained them in detail yet. Procrastinating will get you nowhere, I once was told. Now, the real reason I haven't been blogging...well, I'll tell you later. LOL! I'm back, WORLD!!! You've been warned.

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How To Butcher the Isley Brothers

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A WORLD Exclusive, LOL!

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My Fridays

Hello, WORLD!! If you lived in Chicago a few years back, you knew where you were going every Friday night. If you were like me and my people, that was probably everywhere. To be fair, when I was just turning 21, I was just getting back to Chicago after selling USAdvantage, an all purpose cleaner, door to door in Anaheim, California but before then, I was doing the stay at home dad thing since 16. So when I did actually start going out I might have been over doing it a bit, with regular nightspots like the 24 Hour Club and "gentlemen clubs" like Cowboys. Friday nights were the shit!!!! A lot of clubs extending there hours; some nights, we wouldnt hear the last Last Call till 4am. Plus people just getting paid, feeling themselves more than usual. Almost every night was decent but it was just something bout Fridays. I was out at least 4 nights of the week in those days...but that was then. These days I still have hot dates on Friday, but they wanna ignore me for my own phone, listening to my music stunting and shit. Its good though; I still get the urge to go out but I wouldn't change this "boring" Friday nights for nothing in the WORLD! Well, since the kids are sleep it's time to get drunk like those Fridays. At least I still got that!

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